I’m starting this blog because I want to leave a record.
Like many people, I’ve always carried dreams of becoming a musician, an artist — someone who creates things that mean something, if only to a few people. Over time, those dreams didn’t disappear, but they became quieter, harder to hold onto. There are many things I want to improve on, many ideas I haven’t been able to bring to life yet, and this blog exists to document that process honestly.
I decided on a 365-day creative challenge because I’ve reached a point in my life where days blur together. I find myself looking back and struggling to remember what I actually did. I’m living — but often without direction. I don’t say this dramatically. I’m simply here. Alive.
For a long time, I believed that life needed a grand purpose to be meaningful. That I had to be a hero, or live like one, for my existence to count. Somewhere along the way, that belief shifted. Now, I think that being alive at all is already something. If I’m still here, then maybe I’m already doing something right.
I’ve spent years thinking about life and death, and at some point I realized something uncomfortable: if I can accept the idea of death so calmly, why is it so hard to face tomorrow? I don’t know if it’s wrong to say I don’t care — because at the same time, I care too much. I’m defensive. I’m sensitive. I’m terrified. And I would like to change that.
This blog isn’t meant to dwell on my mental health issues, but I won’t pretend it doesn’t exist either. If this challenge helps even one person who feels similarly lost, then that matters to me.
To me, growth itself is meaningful. It doesn’t have to be dramatic or impressive. Small changes count. Learning counts. Showing up counts. If the past few years have felt aimless, then this is my way of choosing a direction — even if I don’t yet know where it leads.
What this challenge includes
This 365-day challenge is for myself, first and foremost — but I hope others might walk alongside me.
- Daily creation: drawing something every day, no matter how small
- Monthly reading: one book in Chinese and one in English, to improve my language skills and grow as a lyricist
- Music growth: continued songwriting, learning and experimentation
- Documentation: recording what I do, what I learn and what changes
I want to improve not because I feel inadequate, but because I know I’m capable of more.
Transparency about my process.
Out of respect for the artists and musicians I grew up with, I want to be transparent from the beginning.
At this stage of my journey, my music’s lyrics, melodies and concepts are authored by me. I first sing and record my own vocal ideas as part of the songwriting process.
The work is AI-assisted and currently performed through a virtual performer. I also use AI tools to generate visual references for my ideas, but all final visual art is 100% hand-drawn by me.
I don’t believe there’s anything to apologize for as long as there is nor deception or misunderstanding. Growth requires honesty.
My long-term goal — however distant — is to meet people who love my music enough to perform it. Whether that happens or not, I want to be able to look back and see that I tried.
Alongside this journey, I started Peony Teahouse — a small creative brand where my visual art lives on print-on-demand merchandise, for those who may connect with my work enough to want to carry a piece of it with them.
I’ve shut myself in and locked away my emotions for a long time. This is me stepping out of that comfort zone. Even if it’s only online, I want to connect, to share progress, and to learn alongside others.
If you’re reading this, thank you.
If you decide to walk this path with me, I’d be honored.
I’ll leave my Discord server here for anyone who wants to join the journey.
I’m taking the first step — in hopes that you might take one toward me too.